Today is a lazy day. Mr. J and I are just lying around the house, trying not to let the state of it get us down. I won't lie, it's pretty dirty. My desire to clean is being overwhelmed by the fact that I am in the midst of a pretty bad cold. I'm actually getting pretty excited about our new regimen this cycle. I can't wait to actually start taking the Clomid, I'm really hoping my body reacts well to it. To be honest I'm not looking forward to the side effects that are sure to come, but if this eventually works, It will be worth it.
Thanksgiving is just around the corner, and this year will be the first year that Mr. J and I will be going out of state to spend the holiday with my dads family. I'm very excited, but a little nervous. My cousin is pregnant right now, and I've struggled with that for a while. I'm incredibly jealous that she got to have a perfect, worry-free first pregnancy, but beyond that, I'm to a place where I'm very happy for her. I'm knitting the new baby a nice hat, and I really looking forward to seeing her daughter this winter. I'm honestly hoping that our problems will be a non-issue this holiday. Maybe it sounds a little egotistical, but, I'm worried that I'm going to be pitied, and that makes me a little nervous.
To overcome this nervousness, I plan on distracting everyone with baked goods. Seriously, I don't know where this is coming from, but I know I need to show up with a loaf of bread for everyone and cookies and caramel corn. This is happening.
Thinking about this, perhaps I am trying to prove my womanhood somehow since the infertility and miscarriages have left me feeling inadequate in that department.
Anyways, since I'm trying to stay positive, I'll end with a list of things that make me happy today-
1. Having Mr. J home with me, and having some video game time with him.
2. Watching How I Met Your Mother and Conan on the DVR.
3. Being snuggled up with a comfy blanket on the couch.
Seems like I have a pretty good day going on.
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